


Of workouts, ghosts and panic attacks

by LeeGale



Series: Tokyo Heroes [4]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Don't Ask, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Rize is a ghost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23558449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeGale/pseuds/LeeGale
Relationships: Amon Koutarou/Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise
Series: Tokyo Heroes [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691059
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	Of workouts, ghosts and panic attacks

Kaneki could not handle just being Koutarou's best friend, he realised a couple days later. They were at Koutarou's apartment with Akira, where they were meant to be discussing how they could help ghouls access food (read: humans) legally, but they had reached a roadblock. It had been Akira who suggested they work out to distract themselves from the issue, and Kaneki had readily agreed, needing to move after spending so long bent over Koutarou's much too-small table. At least, he had been excited to do it, before he saw Koutarou change into his work out gear and start on his press-ups. When Koutarou had started, Kaneki was too busy focusing on running through his yoga set (the one he usually did when stressed), but as soon as he finished the set he saw what Koutarou was doing and it excited him in a very different way...  
Kaneki knew that his type of omega was very different from most alpha's. Most alphas wanted soft, curvy omegas (and sure, Kaneki could kind of see the appeal of soft curves. He had liked Rize for a reason), but Kaneki prefered omegas who were a bit more built, who he knew could defend themselves if he were unable to be there. And damn, was Amon built...  
Kaneki couldn't help it as his eyes wandered, tracking the droplet of sweat that made its way from Koutarou's neck, down his back and getting lost under his tank top... He only snapped out of it when Akira spoke up.  
"Hey! Amon, why doesn't Kaneki sit on your back to make your push-ups a little harder? He's finished with his yoga set already." she suggested, the little wink she sent Kaneki's way telling him that he hadn't been at all subtle. He was about to argue, unsure if his heart could take that, but Koutarou spoke up first.  
"That's a good idea!" he agreed, smiling at Kaneki before leaning his head back and taking a long drink from his bottle of water. Kaneki couldn't help but get distracted by the bob of his Adam's apple and by the sight of his scent gland, especially the small drop of sweat that danced over the gland... Suddenly, the teen was very much aware of how much he could smell Koutarou, the entire apartment emanating with the smell of his workout...  
"So, would you do it, Ken?" Koutarou asked suddenly, catching Kaneki off-guard enough that he instantly agreed. Of course, he regretted it less than five minutes later, when he saw sitting on Koutarou's back and could feel his muscles contracted...  
"Could you count down from one hundred for me?" Koutarou asked, his words sending a bucket of ice down Kaneki's back. He hadn't counted down like that since Jason, and he felt a flash of panic that he forced down as he feigned a smile.  
"Sure!" he replied, trying to force his emotions into a box as Koutarou started on his first rep, "One hundred."  
Another rep. "Ninety-nine."  
Another. "Ninety-eight."   
Kaneki felt his heartbeat pick up as he tried to even out his breathing, but he couldn't. His brain was too busy flashing back to Jason, and the counting, and the pain, and- Koutarou did another rep, so Kaneki called out the next number, his voice trembling a little but not enough to cause alarm. He idly wondered how long he had until he broke down, calling out the next number as his heartbeat continued to climb. His heart did not stop racing, but it was not until they reached eighty-four that shit hit the fan...  
Kaneki could not help it as his brain replaced the innocent counting he was doing for Amon with the counting Jason made him do. He couldn't help it as his surroundings faded away, only to be succeeded by images of Jason, of Rize, of Kouto and Kei's corpses on the floor, of his own blood flooding the room... He couldn't help it as his joints ached with the phantom pain of Jason removing them, one by one, as his fingers clicked under his own force... His breathing became laboured as he found he couldn't continue the counting, only to force himself. If he stopped, it would hurt more, Jason would do more, he couldn't stop, he-  
"Kaneki?" Akira's voice cut through the almost silence that had fallen when had unconsciously stopped counting, but the sound forced him to flinch so much he fell off of Koutarou's back. That did jar him out of his mind for a moment, but not long enough as he started to mumble out the rest of the numbers, along with a string of apologies.  
"Eighty-three, eighty-one, nonono eighty-two, I'm sorry, please stop, please..." his voice was small, terrified, as his scent become bitter and smoky. He shrank in on himself, tucking his arms and legs as close to his body as he could as he shivered on the floor. Akira and Koutarou shared a look, unused to Kaneki being anything but strong, before they both changed their pheromones to be as calming as possible. But that did nothing. Kaneki continued to mutter to himself, shrinking away from a figure neither of them could see, before he opened his eyes. He stared at something in front of the pair, seemingly talking to it.  
"L... Leave me alone, Rize... I... I won't... Go... Please..." he whispered, eyes glazed over as he held a conversation with someone Akira and Koutarou couldn't see. In his mind, however, he could Rize.  
"Come on, Kaneki." the ghost called to him, smiling sweetly as she reached out to the teen, who flinched away, "You're not with Jason anymore. You're with that pretty Dove lady and your mate. They won't hurt you. I won't hurt you..."  
Kaneki just flinched again, unable to believe her words as his brain told him that he was still with Jason, that everything that had happened since had been a dream, that-  
"Kaneki, you're scaring Akira and Koutarou. Come one. Remember where you are. You're okay. I've got you..."Rize cooed, her voice as calming as she could make it as she gently stroked Kaneki's hair. The other teen whimpered, but Rize continued her ministrations (which kinda freaked Akira and Koutarou out, because all they could see was Kaneki's hair moving like someone was carding their fingers through it). It took a little while, but Kaneki was eventually calm enough to register where he was and what was happening. He froze when he realized that Rize was actually there, again, before sighing, his breathing unsteady as he sat upright. Rize followed, and Akira and Koutarou were freaked out again when they actually heard her speak.  
"You two better take care of Kaneki," she warned, gently stroking Kaneki's hair as she spoke, "He deserves better than you both."  
With that, she left, the only hints that she'd been there at all the memories the living trio held and the remnants of her scent. Kaneki took a shaky breath, but before he could say anything, Akira was standing and heading to Amon's kitchen.  
"I think we all need a drink."  
-=-=-=-=-=  
About half an hour later, Kaneki finally cracked. Koutarou and Akira had been pressing him for info on why he had a panic attack and who Rize was the entire time, but he'd managed to hold out until Koutarou had pulled out the fucking 'Don't you trust us?' card.  
"I... Did you both know I was kidnapped by Jason? From Aogiri Tree?" the teen asked, continuing when Akira and Koutarou said they didn't, "Well, I was. And when he had me, he would... He'd hurt me, and make me count down from one hundred as he did. Counting down for Koutarou... It made me think about that, which led to my panic attack."  
Koutarou's face darkened, but Akira spoke up before he could.   
"Why didn't you say anything?" she asked gently, frowning at Kaneki, who was staring at his now empty cup. He hesitated before sighing, head hanging low as he replied.  
"It's not something I talk about. I... I don't know how to talk about these things..." he muttered, shrinking in on himself. Akira and Koutarou shared a look, both unused to Kaneki being anything but strong, before refocusing on him and changing the subject.  
"It's okay, we won't press. But... Know we're here for you." Koutarou said, placing a gentle hand on Kaneki's shoulder. The teen nodded, smiling slightly at his mate as Koutarou continued, "So, who's Rize?"  
Kaneki's face darkened as he hesitated, but he replied after heaving a heavy sigh, "The ghoul that originally had my kagune."  
Koutarou and Akira frowned in confusion, so Kaneki expanded on his statement.  
"When a ghoul dies, if their kagune is transferred to another person or turned into a quinque, they don't get to rest. They become a ghost and haunt whoever has their kagune until that person dies, and may stay on Earth longer if they want. I have Rize's kagune, so she haunts me. She isn't always here since she likes to do her own thing, but she comes if I'm particularly distressed. At first, she did so so that she could convince e to give in to the instinct her kagune provided me with, the one to kill and eat, but when she realised that I won't do that, she eventually just became a form of moral support. She can't really do much, but she can move things, talk to others if she wants, and even make herself corporal. She can't hurt anyone unless I give her permission though." he explained, earning matching sounds of understanding from his friends. They were all silent for a moment, but Akira broke it.  
"That is something we'll have to tell the boss, you know that right?" she asked. Kaneki sighed before nodding, taking a deep breath.  
"Just... don't make me seem insane, okay?"  
That drew a small laugh from Koutarou, and Kaneki felt his heart warm as he smiled shakily at his mate.


End file.
